Category Archives: Bad Music

Worst Black Sabbath Song Ever

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I came to Black Sabbath late. Took me until my 20s to discover them. I think, as a churchgoing young lad, they scared me. Then, while I was in the throes of punk, I got away from stoner music for a while.

So it took me a long time – first Paranoid, then Masters of Reality. I didn’t even get the first album until a few years ago. But they are all excellent.

I was kind of aware that it never gets better than those first three, but, with a recent birthday Amazon gift card music haul I included Black Sabbath Vol 4.

Now I know why there’s no reason to venture from the first three. Granted, there’s some good stuff on 4, but geez, to get through this? Not worth it.

How do you go from “Into The Void” to this in the space of one album? And what makes rockers want to write dippy tunes like this? My ex-wife always wanted me to write a song for her and I was always like, “I can’t write crap like that.” I guess that’s why I’m divorced.

I guess I identify with Bon Scott who told the story of his wife asking him to write her a love song. He said, “So I wrote ‘She’s Got Balls’ and she divorced me.”

Good luck.

Breakfast Blend: ? and the Mysterians, “96 Tears”

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In the same vein as Hey Little Girl and the Music Machine posts of late, 96 Tears came bopping out of the KTKE stream the other day, and as much as I love that the station drops gems from the past into their mix without warning, I never understood why this song was such a big hit.

Like Incense and Peppermints or Spirit in the Sky, or (double gag) MacArthur Park, this song did and still does little for me. But, all those songs were big hits somehow.

OK, if you turn the volume up while streaming the vid below, it is not horrible, but certainly not any kind of a break through classic song. And, as a garage song, it does not compare with Talk Talk, or even Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye) in my meager view.

I am sure this will rankle many, and I am sorry if you love it. Give me Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher over it any minute of any day of the week.

Night Music: Southern Culture on the Skids, “Camel Walk”

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I know, I know, I know, this song is a joke, I get that. But it raises all kinds of questions.

Let me set the scene. I spent 4+ hours in the car today, and I listened to the radio. I’m in New York City, I could listen to scores of radio stations, but some of the college stations fade in and out. The one that doesn’t is WFUV, the station of Fordham University.

WFUV has been a decent enough radio station, even though it doesn’t sound like a college station. The DJs aren’t learning their craft. Some of the top DJs from WNEW in the 1960s and 70s heyday still work at the station. So, in spite of the collegiate affiliation this is a professional non-commercial station.

Until recently they played the format known as Americana, mostly, which meant trudging through the dull dirt waiting for the occasional gems. Those days were mostly inoffensive and sometimes good, and since I don’t spend that much time riding in the car in NYC, not a problem. WFUV was reliable if often dull.

Now, it seems, WFUV has changed to something you could call a discovery format. From my experience today they play a mixture of old and new, aiming for the older listener who may recall the AOR (Album Oriented Radio) days fondly.

So, on my drive, I heard Devo and the Dolls, Big Star and Crowded House. Chuck Berry, the Coasters and the new album from Stars. Good, right? You can read today’s list here. But I also heard Nigel Hawthorne and Weezer, the Dave Matthews Band and this.

I knew it wasn’t the B-52s, because it obviously sucked, but it also caught my ear because in a way it seemed in some way to be talking back to the effete socialists in the Delta 5 and Gang of Four and the Mekons. It was saying, us ‘Merkins love our crackers and our surf rock and don’t go messing it up with your jangly angular allusions and arch lyrics. Eat my drool, lick my lil Debbies, suck ass.

Which doesn’t, on the face of it, seem like a losing strategy to me, necessarily, and maybe SCOTS have done better, but this song? I can imagine why it might have been made, it probably seemed funny at the time, and someone clearly paid, but why is someone playing it on the radio today?

Does anybody know?

Breakfast Blend: The Terrible Stones

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I’m starting this post having just stumbled on this one, which is irredeemable. Awful. Even though the groove might work. If I had a liberal definition of riff, this isn’t a terrible one. But it is an absolutely terrible song.

There isn’t much to redeem this one, Indian Girl, either. If you last to the end you may rank it lower than She’s So Cold. Maybe.

But those are my worst Stones songs. Post yours in the comments.

Afternoon Snack: “Sukiyaki,” Kyu Sakamoto

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All the Japanese pop some forced this song into my head, and, to quote Lucinda Williams, I Can’t Let Go.

Not that I wish I could.

Kyu Sakamoto was sort of the Masanori Marukami of pop: Sakamoto the only Asian to log a #1 hit in Billboard history, and well, this is it. And, though he was a one-hit wonder here, though “Mashi” (the Giants nickname for Marukami, the first Japanese born in the Major Leagues) was kind of like that too, they at least both paved the way.

I guess it is pleasant enough, and when the song came out in 1963 it was indeed a huge hit (sold 13 million units overall). But, this song is certainly not pop as I think of it, and it is as far removed from rock and roll as Percy Faith and Mitch Miller and even Pat Boone’s obnoxious cover of Tutti Fruiti.

Not sure why it was such a big hit, though? Sort of muzak with words none of us knows, and as I thought about it, I thought about compiling a Steveslist of the six songs not sung in English to hit #1 on the Billboard chart.

But, as I looked at them, they were all really so awful–and I get they may evoke fond memories in some–that I just couldn’t do it.

However, they are:

  1. Nel Blu Dipinto di Bleu: Domenico Modguno, 1958 (My mother loved this song: Bobby Rydell did the American thing with Volare.)
  2. Sukiyai: Kyu Sakamoto, 1963
  3. Dominique: The Singing Nun, 1963 (See how badly we needed the Beatles? Two of these dogs in one year.)
  4. Rock me Amadeus: Falco, 1896 (Proud that I have no conscious clue what this song is.)
  5. La Bamba: Los Lobos (I love the Lobos, and this song, in fact this is the best tune on the list, but why not Richie Valens?)
  6. Macarena: Los Dell Rio, 1996 (Never understood and I guess the only reason I know this song is they played it at the ball park.)

I just don’t get any of these songs, save La Bamba, which is really a treatment of a Mexican folk song, being hits at all. Not that I am trying to be xenophobic, but in general the music is cheesy and most really cannot understand the words. Meaning if we were on Bandstand, and doing “Rate a Record,” we couldn’t say, “I give it a 73, Dick. It had a nice beat and I liked the lyrics.”

OTOH, I don’t get I’ve Never Been to Me or Abba songs (maybe tuneful, but so what?) or even Snoopy Versus the Red Baron (which I hated at the time as much as I hated Incense and Peppermints and In the Year 2525.)

BTW, this video of Sukiyaki is the official publicity one Sakamoto released. And, sadly, in another shot at fame, Sakamoto was killed as one of the fatalities resulting from the JAL air crash August 12, 1985 the worst air disaster in history.

So, on that sobering note, enjoy if you can. If you dare.

 

Worst Beatles Song Ever

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Mentioned a post or two ago that my friend got a big box of CDs at a yard sale and I got second dibs. Three of the CDs I got were later Beatles – Past Masters Volume Two, Sgt. Pepper’s and Abbey Road.

Somehow I’ve sheltered myself from the late Beatles all my life, except for the radio stuff, which covers a lot of it. But on my long drive to and from seeing my kids a couple weekends ago, I listened to these albums.

My blasphemous quick take on the late Beatles:

Lennon: Doing all kinds of envelope-pushing stuff. Some works, some doesn’t.

McCartney: Writing either meaningless pop ditties or overly maudlin tales of woe. No wonder Lennon was pulling his hair out trying to exist with this guy at this point.

Harrison – Diddling on the sitar every third song. In between, some quite cool stuff.

Ringo – Belting out sincere-sounding pop ditties in his wonderful so-different-from-the-others voice which truly sound good to me amidst the rest of this.

Then I heard “I Want You (She’s So Heavy).” I may have heard this somewhere along the line before, but not often.

It’s awful. And I’m both ignorant and confused. Is this Lennon’s answer to Zeppelin? Both Abbey and the first Zep arrived in 1969, but, even if Abbey was first, that doesn’t mean Lennon didn’t already have the buzz on Zep. Maybe my thought is preposterous and stupid.

Anyway, the Beatles aren’t equipped for heavy. The guitars aren’t heavy. The drums aren’t heavy (and I love Ringo in his element). The song is boring and NEVER WANTS TO END.

Perhaps I’ll follow this up by why I think Sgt. Pepper’s is not only not the best album ever, it isn’t even a real good Beatles album.

Perhaps I’ll push the seven readers we have on this blog to persuade Mike Salfino to come back for a few “Nothing Will Ever Beat The Beatles” articles (which, from what I’ve heard, had as much readership as anything around here ever).

Thank you and good night.